


Pushed

by charlotte123456789



Series: Harry Potter One-Shots [18]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Children, F/M, Loveless Marriage, Sexism, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29378367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlotte123456789/pseuds/charlotte123456789
Summary: All her life she had been told to push, strive, achieve. Get the highest marks, the highest scores. She hated it.Warnings at end.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Harry Potter One-Shots [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2157993
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Pushed

All her life Lily had been pushed for her to do better, for her to succeed, for her to flourish. She had never had any true say in what was happening.

In primary school, she was stuck in after-school classes that her parents chose for her, never allowing her the freedom to choose what she wanted to do. It didn't matter to them if she didn't like maths or not, she had to get a high mark in it or it would mean trouble for her when she got home.

Of course, Petunia, _sweet innocent_ Petunia, would never have been pushed into doing this. Never would _she_ have to strive to reach the high standards that were set because Petunia was the eldest and so chose to make her own way through life whereas _little Lily_ needed guidance and pushing.

She hated it all. Sure she ended up achieving those high marks her parents were wanting, but it was never quite enough. Her marks were always a little bit too low, or she was a little bit late in figuring out the right answer. She was never _quite_ good enough.

Then her letter came. She thought it was going to be a blessing in disguise; sure she would have to move away from her family but she would finally _escape_ their pressures.

Lily had thought it would be calmer, easier to fit in, and do what she wanted. _She was wrong._

She hadn't counted on being a _Mudblood_.

She found out through Severus that she would never be highly employable due to her blood status, her parents marking her as one of the lessers of the Wizarding World.

She wouldn't get her fun, the easy time she had been wanting. No. She had to do what she had been doing for the last years of her life all over again.

Push, strive, achieve. Get the highest marks, the highest scores. Be the most outstanding student and shine. All so she could get a job in a world that still treated her as a second class citizen.

She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She could go home and be pushed into being a doctor or a lawyer, or she could stay in the Wizarding World where no matter what her scores ended up as she would still be the second pick every time.

She could never escape the responsibilities piled upon her.

Returning home during the holidays was a torrid affair. Her parents still pushed her to do all the normal schooling that would have taken place had she not went away, it meant that her summer was stuck inside trying to cram 9 months worth of studies into a 2-month block with no free time to relax.

Petunia had become vicious as well, still the perfect eldest who could do no wrong and had a nice boyfriend. She threw backhanded-compliments when in the same room as her parents and when they weren't there it was just plain taunts and threats.

She was no longer the same sister she once relied on.

Year after year went by like this.

Having to push herself in school so as not to be seen as a ' _weak Muggleborn stealing magic from her betters'_ and then returning home during the holidays being forced to stay shut up inside to complete hours of schoolwork which she had no care for.

Her parents grew sterner and Petunia became hideous to be around.

She hated it.

Then in her final year at Hogwarts she finally gave in to James' attempts at courting her - she had realised the truth. The dirty truth that everyone had tried to cover up. But _she knew:_ even with outstanding results in all her subjects, Muggle qualifications to show even more dedication to her studies, and picking up extracurriculars to expand her skills. She knew she would never be taken seriously with the Muggle surname of Evans; she would be lucky to get a job in a minor position at the Ministry at most.

If she was ever going to get somewhere, _anywhere,_ then she would need to marry into a good family and use their connections.

Without the Potter name she was nothing, so she did what she had to do and married him.

Being roped into the war wasn't on her agenda. It wasn't her intended course of action. She had wanted to get the job she wanted then leave it there.

She was done with pushing, striving, _fighting_ to be the very best.

Except she was in the Wizarding World, with their backward society. She was a Muggleborn which made her second class already. Only after graduating did she realise that sexism was also rampant in the Wizarding World.

So it didn't matter what _she_ wanted. She was now a married woman in the _Wizarding World_ which meant that she had to follow what her _husband_ wanted.

Years more passed with her having to find information, plan out would-be battles, spy on others she worked with. She was once more pushed into things she had no wish for.

Potter was still fully involved which meant she still had no choice but to participate, studying, spying, providing refuge _her_ home.

She had no choice but to allow it, to be the perfect _wife_ , to be the perfect woman for _him._

Don't get it wrong, James did grow on her, but she could never quite forget his bullying ways, even if he insisted he had grown up. Nor could she ignore the inequalities between them; he was accepted through the accelerated Auror courses even with his subpar grades whereas she was frowned upon for having her ministry job even with her exceptional grades. She no longer glared at anyone who sent her condescending glares for being a woman at work, not staying at home as was expected. She was too used to it.

She found out she was pregnant on a cold day, alone - James was away on a secret order meeting with Sirius and wasn't due to return for another month. Her first immediate thought was to abort, to spare this poor child from the cruel world that it would be entering into. But it was unheard of to do so in the Wizarding World, if you had a child you were expected to keep it; if it were born out of wedlock then tough luck, it would be your burden to bear.

She couldn't even go to the Muggle world for help, although available she had not been a part of it for years and therefore had no documents, no registered doctor, no surgery to go to for help.

She was on her own - she had to keep it.

When James found out he was ecstatic, he would have an heir to carry the Potter name. Her one job was done. Her manager was almost as ecstatic as James, they had their excuse to get rid of her, _push_ her out of the ministry; she was _titled_ a new job as a stay at home mother within a day, no concerns for her thoughts or feelings. No matter that she had spent years being _pushed_ to achieve the best results in order to even achieve that low-level job.

She was once again pushed around into a position she did not want.

Then came the prophecy. They tried so hard to hide it from her, but she was one of the most intelligent witches of her generation. Muggleborn or not, and she had spent years having to spy on her co-workers for them - she had picked up a skill or two.

Upon finding out she immediately thought back to when she realised she couldn't abort and regretted so much that she didn't try _harder_.

They went into hiding, months hidden away in a small cottage, just the two of them. Then along came a third - it was sudden, early. She had no Mediwitch to help, nor anyone other than James for support. She was effectively on her own.

3 hours of labour took a lot out of her but she was left with a beautiful baby boy.

She loved him so much from the minute she laid her eyes on him.

He was christened _Harry James Potter_ as was James' wishes - she had no role in picking names - but he was beautiful and he was _hers._

She was pleased that at least he was a boy and with the Potter name to boot, even if he would be a Halfblood in a Pureblood world. However she would be in his corner, _nobody_ would push him around.

Then _Voldemort_ came.

She stood upstairs in the nursery as James defended them. She knew he would be dead before long, he never was very talented at dueling, no matter his occupation. She was proven correct a moment later the door burst in and _Voldemort_ stood in the entry. She stood her ground though, that was her baby, her child, all she had to live for in this backwards world.

"Stand aside you silly girl … stand aside now."

She stood still, crying, "Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-" She had no one left to live for if he was dead. But then she recalled that day long ago, her panic at finding out she was pregnant, how she kept him, how he was her pride and joy, how later upon seeing him she made a silent promise to spare him from a life like the one she lived; where she had been _pushed_ and _shoved_ into being the best, into achieving the highest scores, into the correct roles for a _Mudblood_ , a _woman,_ a _wife._

She had made that promise and if the prophecy worked as intended then her small child would be _pushed_ into the spotlight, into being a celebrity. His whole life would be dictated for him with her poor baby never being allowed to do what he wanted.

It would be her life all over again. She knew it was a sad, stressful existence.

"Stand aside, now," Voldemort repeated.

Her life was not what she wanted her child to have, it would destroy him.

She moved aside, "As you wish."

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings - Thoughts of abortion and death of an infant.


End file.
